How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus.
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.